Sunday, August 28, 2016

Confidence and Creeps








I had something pretty creepy happen to me while I was taking these photos. I woke up very early on Saturday to take them so I thought I'd safe from the creeps of the world (I was wrong). This is an empty building by my apartment that I talked about in my last post. I was just getting started (which is why there aren't many photos in this post....and they aren't very good) and this truck drives up the street next to the building very slowly. I didn't think anything of it because I thought maybe he was lost. But then he circled around the building. I thought a workman would tell me to get off the property or something but then he just circled the building over and over again. I grabbed my camera equipment and ran home. 

As I'm sitting here on Saturday night writing this post (I'm a grandma, I know) I can only think that he knows where I live and is going to come into my apartment. This might be paranoid thinking but I doubt it's uncommon if you're a young girl (woman?). It's definitely not the creepiest thing that has happened to me but it made me feel unsafe and slightly afraid, which isn't a feeling I want at 7:30 in the morning. 




On another note with confidence - I've talked about how this blog has made me more comfortable in what I wear but I also want to address how it's made me less confident in some ways. For example, this dress. I thrifted this dress a few weeks ago. It's a size too big for me but when I tried it on I thought it looked great. It was the dress I'd been looking for! I felt confident when I wore this around town on some errands. But now when I look back at the pictures, I feel ridiculous. The midi length doesn't flatter my petite frame, the top is too big, I could go on and on. This isn't the first time this has happened either. 

I'll throw on an outfit and feel great but when I look back at the photos I feel frumpy, uncomfortable with my weight, and a mess overall. And it doesn't help that I had some creep circling the building while I was taking these photos. I think it's hard when you take photos of yourself a few times a week not to get critical of how you look. I felt this way when I was working on my self-portraiture in school as well. It's also really hard when I'm trying out different styles because I feel more confident but then I feel like I'm losing myself and not able to define my style anymore. 

I feel like I could write a specific post on so many of these points so if you'd be interested in something specific let me know!




 I never post on Sunday but I wanted to get this post out there - especially after the fiasco of my post on Friday deleting itself!? (I wanna cry! It says it posted on bloglovin but then didn't? And the draft has nothing in it!) That post will go up again soon... Just need to muster up the gusto to write it over again!

I'm starting to like these ramble-y posts but I'd love to know your thoughts!

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